It's Friday! Hurray!

So I read today, that if you post in your blog daily, more people will visit. You know, that actually makes sense. Because the blogs I actively read, are the ones that post daily. Duh! So, I'm thinking more posting is in order.

Xaelen is over his cold/virus/diarrhea thing he had. Now if his 4 canines can PLEASE hurry up and pop through, we'd be golden. They look very swollen and as if they will erupt at any moment. Maybe this weekend?

Xaelen also visited SeaWorld yesterday. He apparently loved the penguins, the flamingos and most importantly SHAMU! He watched the entire Shamu show and constantly exclaimed "Whoa!" every few minutes. He had a cracker in his hand and his mouth open as though he was going to put it in, but was so distracted by the wondrous Shamu that it never quite made its way in.

Xaelen also visited the cardiologist this week. After a chest x-ray, a EKG, and a short physical - he was declared perfect! Well shucks, I could have told them that! The murmur turned out to be just a garden variety type and poses no risks to him. Woohoo! We also learned that Xaelen is an amazing patient. He let the doctor probe him, stick EKG thingies on him, take his x-ray, all without flinching and all without crying. Now I ask, how do we make that happen at home? I can't even change his diaper without having to have a WWF smackdown occur on the floor. I think he likes an audience, so as long as someone is observing him, he's on his best behavior. I obviously need to invite more people over to "observe" him.

I visited with the OBGYN this week as well. We still have a heartbeat! Hallelujah! I'm measuring 9 weeks and 1 day today. Great! Fingers crossed. The only bad thing was the subchorionic hemorrhage was still present and somewhat larger than last time. The doctor is hopeful that it will be reabsorbed by my body sometime between now and 20 weeks. Let's all think good thoughts, ok?

I've also visited a few doctors who are open to the idea of a VBAC. Both are allowing me to try, but I have to say, with so many rules and restrictions placed upon me, I'm wondering how VBAC friendly they really are. Both have said they won't let me go a day past my due date and will automatically schedule me for a RCS on my due date. Hmmm.. I'm just not sold on them.

I have one more opinion to go. A certain wonderful doctor who's been referred by everyone and their mother. I kid you not. This man is supposed to be the end all-be all of VBAC doctors. The only draw back is that his office is about 30 miles from my home. But hey, if he can help me with my desired birth - then I'll drive to the end of the world and back. My appointment is scheduled for January 10. Please let this be the one!

I guess that's it for now. I'm working on posting some new pictures and new video of Xaelen. Still learning.

Happy Merry!

Surprise Surprise.

I've been avoiding blogging about this, mostly because I'm so frustrated that I can't quite put in to words what I'm feeling. When Xaelen was born, over 19 months ago, I had a c-section. It was unplanned and unwanted and had a very unpleasant and painful recovery from it to boot. I did not want to be cut. I wanted to labor on a birth ball, I wanted to labor with the scent of lavender oil in my nostrils, I wanted to labor as I listened to peaceful music, I wanted to push that little life out of me - the way that women have been doing for millennium. It didn't happen. Ok.

It took months to mostly accept things as they were. The one thing that really kept me going was the promise from my OBGYN that we can try again and next time we could try for a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean). She told me that as long as I go in to labor myself (no intervention, no induction, no augmentation) that we would just see what happens and entertain the idea of a VBAC.

Now let's fast-forward to my 1st prenatal appointment with this new pregnancy. After a mostly routine appointment, I am getting my bag of goodies that all pregnant women receive when visiting their doctors and the doctor casually says "Oh, by the way, you are aware of our new policy?" Hmm... Policy? What Policy? "Well, we made a collective decision here in our practice that we will automatically schedule everyone who's had a c-section for a RCS (Repeat Cesarean Section)" WHA?!?! Are you kidding me? "No exceptions?", I ask? "No, I'm sorry" is the response.

Oh. My. God. All those thoughts of feeling broken by the last c-section came as a wave over me again. I'm tainted. No birthing center will take me. My own OBGYN who was supposed to be VBAC friendly, won't take me. What am I to do?

Well, what to do indeed. For starters, I'm empowering myself with knowledge. First thing on my list of empowerment, I am attending an ICAN (http://ican-online.net/) meeting here in San Diego. I am researching who else in this city will allow for a VBAC. I have joined a bunch of online groups that address VBACs. I will not have surgery pushed on me without first seeing what my body can and will do. I will keep an open mind. I will keep my body healthy and strong in order to prepare for this. I will hire a doula. I will consult with a midwife. I can do this.

Ok. Enough of that soapbox.

Let me add to all this, during my 1st prenatal visit, the ultrasound showed a small amount of bleeding where the placenta is/will be. This is called a subchorionic hemorrhage. I'm hoping/praying that this will be reabsorbed by my body in the coming weeks. As a precaution, they are doing another ultrasound next week to see if the bleeding has stopped, shrank or expanded. I'm hoping the hemorrhage is gone. Please hope the same for me?

Long time no see.

I've been M.I.A. for far too many days. I've been present, just not in the sense of actually writing in my blog. Adazm (DH) keeps commenting on things I say around the house with the following remark "that sounds blog-worthy" as though my thoughts should make their way to my blog. He's probably right. Instead of letting things spin around in my head, I could be putting them in print, thus ridding my poor head from having things spin around in it.

I guess I'm lazy. Or maybe tired. Or maybe pregnant. There you go! I'm pregnant and therefore haven't really felt up to things. I get up, I go to work, I come home, I feed Xaelen, put him to bed and then collapse in to night-night land. I've been falling asleep before 8pm for many nights now and waking up at 6am. Believe it or not, it STILL doesn't feel like enough sleep. I know this first trimester is supposed to be like this and I truly can't wait til the 2nd one starts up. I remember REALLY enjoying the boost in energy level, less desire to constantly upchuck and overall better mood. I will officially enter my 2nd trimester on January 1, 2008. Amen!