So I'm feeling sad today. I miss my 1st born! It just makes my heart ache seeing him want to be close to me and me constantly have to say no because there is a new little one attached to me. It sad that the majority of the time I have to say "No Xaelen, don't do that" to whatever he is trying to do. He's been acting out quite a bit since Quillan's birth. I expected a certain level of this, but I didn't realize it would be so soon and so all the time.
I'm trying my best to still be there for him as much as possible, but ultimately that leaves me feeling completely and utterly exhausted. My body still hurts and I'm still recovering from birth. It's hard enough keeping up with the needs of a newborn, lack of sleep and all. But it's even harder to juggle the needs of a newborn AND those of my wonderful 2 year old. I don't know how mothers do it.
Every time I look in to Xaelen's big blue eyes, I just want to cry. It's like I know things between us are never going to be quite the same. He will never be my one and only little man again. I have to figure out a way to still make Xaelen feel special and to have OUR time together to be special, even with a new little one in our life. If anyone has any suggestions, I will be more than happy to hear them.
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1 day ago