So I'm feeling sad today. I miss my 1st born! It just makes my heart ache seeing him want to be close to me and me constantly have to say no because there is a new little one attached to me. It sad that the majority of the time I have to say "No Xaelen, don't do that" to whatever he is trying to do. He's been acting out quite a bit since Quillan's birth. I expected a certain level of this, but I didn't realize it would be so soon and so all the time.
I'm trying my best to still be there for him as much as possible, but ultimately that leaves me feeling completely and utterly exhausted. My body still hurts and I'm still recovering from birth. It's hard enough keeping up with the needs of a newborn, lack of sleep and all. But it's even harder to juggle the needs of a newborn AND those of my wonderful 2 year old. I don't know how mothers do it.
Every time I look in to Xaelen's big blue eyes, I just want to cry. It's like I know things between us are never going to be quite the same. He will never be my one and only little man again. I have to figure out a way to still make Xaelen feel special and to have OUR time together to be special, even with a new little one in our life. If anyone has any suggestions, I will be more than happy to hear them.
Home Sweet Home! by The Pioneer Woman
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I hope you’ve all been doing well, staying safe, and (hopefully) getting
back to some glimpse of normal. I know normal is a relative term, and I
swear, I s...
3 years ago
7 comments:
Rita-
I remember when my second daughter was born, feeling the same way. It's sort of like mourning one relationship while trying to form another. It gets a lot better, and the relationship the boys will have will be amazing to watch eventually, but it is tough in the beginning. Hang in there.
I bought a big bucket of dollar store animals and kept it in bed with me, and some new, and old favorite movies and sort of turned the bedroom into a second family room so we could all hang out and I could rest. Those tiny animals in the bucket provided us with endless hours of entertainment, and while the baby slept I rested and played with my older dd. Good luck, it will get more familliar and easier as time goes on. Try to be kind to yourself, you have just done amazing things, and will continue to do so.
Aw, gosh girl you are one to really get my emotions stirred. I'm so sorry you are going through that.
I KNOW I will be feeling the same way when my LO gets here. It's such a big change for not only our 1sts, but for us as well. I pray you get passed the difficult emotions. HUGS!
I am sitting here crying reading your post because this is exactly how I think I would feel if we decide to have another child. How do you choose between the two and juggle it all? I know that you will find the perfect balance but it may just take some time!
I have soooo been there Rita. Please know that it gets better! It takes time for everyone to adjust so try to be patient. William was so attached to me before I had Seth and it was heart-wrenching in the same way that you describe. Do you have anyone there helping you? I think the most important thing to do for Xaelen is to reassure him show him lots of love. And whenever I did anything for William, I'd say out loud, "Okay Seth, it's William's turn now. Mommy needs to take care of William." That made it a little easier to say "It's Seth's turn" when Seth really needed me. My mom was helping us for the first two weeks, and she ended up holding Seth a TON so that I could play with William. But it also helped that I was able to take William to daycare. William's routine stayed the same, and we all got a break.
Nursing was hard at first because William seemed to get into more trouble when I was having to nurse. But I quickly learned how to walk around while nursing Seth. I'd try to find something specific for William to do when I had to nurse. And TV helped A LOT during those times.
Jessica from the BBC board mentioned this advice a while back which I liked. When William needs me and I'm busy taking care of Seth (holding him or feeding him or changing his diaper), I'll say "Mommy's hands are busy right now," instead of "I have to feed Seth," or "I have to change Seth."
Just hang in there sweetie. One of my worst moments was one morning when I was exhausted and William had been up and down all night, and Seth needed to eat and William was literally clinging to me while Ed was trying to pull him off of me, and we were ALL crying. It sucked. But remember that kids are resilient and Xaelen will be fine and he will adjust. Hugs to you!
So sorry to hear you are sad about this... I know lots of people will have suggestions on staggered kids. I can only speak from always having two kids.
We always have some level of jealousy/rivalry going on in our house bc it's in their nature to want you all to themselves. I try to find every opportunity I can to connect with each boy individually. It doesn't have to be undivided attention... it just has to be that special connection. I try to carve out those tiny spaces. Even the "chores" like picking out clothes, washing hands, eating meals, can be more meaningful and give that connection time.
That all said, there's a lot of no no no because when one is getting attention, they sometimes feel they need to act out to get attention. I don't think this ever goes away.
I know exactley how you feel, Lucas was 16 months old when Dani was born and I really struggled with how to manage the two. I was given some advice from a fried that really helped me, She said that my new born would not be sad or hurt by my not rushing to her side the minute she work up or wimpered, but my son would. So sometime I would let the baby cry for a couple minutes while I finishe something with Lucas or made sure his needs were met first and I also starting including him in on everything baby as soon as possible. And before long he was letting me know that "his" baby was crying and need attention.
Just hang in, it gets better and less guilt ridden.
My only advice would to make sure the house is completely xaelen proof, so that way you don't have to say no to him so often. This will make his jealousy a little less most likely.
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