I worry... Therefore I am...

I've been feeling worried a bit lately. Worry is not a new concept for me, given that I worry about most everything in my life. I worry about Xaelen's health and safety. I worry about Adam's health and safety. I worry about my own as well. I worry that we'll not have enough money, I worry that we'll not have enough time. Anyhow, you get the point. I'm a worrywart. The current worry of the day is a miscarriage. I really have been feeling pretty optimistic about this pregnancy. We've seen the heartbeat now 2 times - once at 7 weeks and once at 9 weeks. The last time I miscarried, I was measuring 7 weeks, so we've obviously come further than we did last time. I was feeling sure and confident.

Then Adam told me about a friend of ours who was pregnant and that they just miscarried at 10 1/2 weeks. I'm 10 1/2 weeks. Suddenly the worry washed over me again. I hear the chances are 1 in 5. What if I'm that 1 of 5 again? I know worrying doesn't benefit anyone. I know a positive attitude can go a long way. How do I put that in practice though, if worrying is what I do best? My next ultrasound is next Tuesday and the day can't come soon enough. I'm suddenly terrified to go in to that office. I'm scared of laying there in the darkened room, ultrasound wand inside me, slowly scanning the insides of my womb. What if the words I hear are "I'm so sorry." I've already heard those words before and I have to say I don't think I can bear to hear them again.

On a lighter note, I've been really impressed with Xaelen's blossoming sense of humor. He is one funny little cat. One of these days, when I can find the time to sit with a computer and our camera in the same room, I will upload the videos and pictures that demonstrate the funny that is our son. Until then, you'll have to take my word for it.